We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
