You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
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