i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
