Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
