You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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