I think I died a long time ago.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
