If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
