I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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