just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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