I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
