I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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