dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
