evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
