turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
