last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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