She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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