you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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