I am in a vortex of obligation.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
