Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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