need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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