First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
