Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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