i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
