her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
