My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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