So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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