just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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