So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh god it's open bar.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
