I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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