Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
