the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
