yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
