Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
