OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
