I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
