Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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