for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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