I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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