I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
