did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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