I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
