Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
