you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need water and some morals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
