I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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