Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
