oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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