hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
