Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
