Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
