The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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