don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
