Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
