Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
