It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
