I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
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You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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