New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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