How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
