He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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