Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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