So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
