I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
