It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Randomize
