so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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