Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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