I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
