I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
