She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
