I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
