the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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