Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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