how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
