did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
