I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
