i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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