I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize