Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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